As October 2nd grows closer and closer I find myself thinking a lot more about parenthood. For those of you who don’t know, October 2nd is the due date for our little girl, Rylie.
Each week I get to see her little face and body on the ultra sound and each week I am left with excitement, joy, relief, and ponderings.
I find myself asking questions, a lot of questions. These questions fall into 3 broad categories: Hypothetical, logistical, and spiritual
The hypothetical questions are the ones that are out of my control. There is nothing I can do to influence the answer one way or the other. Yet, they still linger in my mind.
- Will she come early or will she be overdue?
- Will there be traffic on the highway when we got to the hospital?
- Will our little girl be healthy when she is born?
- Will she have birth defects or disabilities?
- Will we be able to breastfeed?
- Will she cry all night long for the first two months?
- Will she live to see her 11th birthday (and her 12th, 13th, etc.)?
These questions can easily become a source of anxiety for me. But at the end of the day I have to trust in the Loving, Sovereign Lord who is forming our little girl in the womb of my wife. He loves me. He loves Rylie. He is not out to get us. He is for us. Anything that happens or will not happen must be seen in the light of this truth. So I wait, I rest, and I pray.
Then there are the logistical questions. They come by the droves!
- What am I supposed to do during labor?
- How will I put this car seat into the car?
- Will we use disposable or reusable diapers? (Ok, not too much thought about that one!)
- How many diapers will we need?
- Do we really need all these clothes?
- Should she sleep in our room the first two weeks?
- How expensive is this going to be?
- Will she go to preschool?
- Will we homeschool, send her to public school, or send her to a Christian school?
These questions don’t weigh terribly heavy on my shoulders. However, they do nudge me to read books and articles, make to-do lists, and talk with others.
The hypothetical questions I know are ultimately out of my control. The logistical questions I know will be figured out in time and with the help of friends. But it’s the spiritual questions that stop me in my tracks and force me to think.
- How will I show my little girl Jesus?
- How will I raise her in the fear of the Lord?
- How will I share the Gospel with her?
- How will I live out the Gospel before her?
- When she sees mommy and daddy fighting (and she will) will I show her that I love mommy as Christ loves the church?
- How often will she see me reading my Bible?
- How will I respond when she asks spiritual questions?
- When I come home from work tired and stressed and she wants to have a tea party will I push her away for some “me time” or will I die to myself and spend time with my little girl?
- When I fail or sin, what will she see? Will she see my trying to justify myself and make excuses? Or will she see a humble daddy who recognizes his own sin and weakness and repents and finds hope in the Gospel?
- How will we do family devotions? Will we read straight through the Bible? Will I force my little girl to memorize the Westminster Shorter Catechism? Will vegetables find their way into the Bible stories?
- What and how will I teach her about modesty in a culture that prides itself on immodesty? Will I cave to the pressures of the culture and give up? Will I dress her in a burka?
- When she, as all kids do, misbehave how will I discipline her?
- When she reaches the teenage years and has doubts how will I respond?
- What will I do when she likes a boy for the first time?
- Is 30 years old too young for her to start dating?
- When friends or family members die how will I comfort her and point her to the hope found in Christ?
- Will she see a consistency in what I say and what I believe and what I do?
- Will she see that Jesus is more precious to me than anything else in the world?
- Will I love my little girl too much and transform that precious gift into an idol?
These questions are at the forefront of my mind. But, oddly, I find hope in the fact that I know that I am going to fail. The idea of being a perfect dad will never become a reality. But in my failure and in my imperfections, Christ is perfect and victorious. If my little girl will come to understand that and treasure it above all else, then I’ll be one happy daddy.
Gospel-ology 